Ash and Aziz delve into the humor and background of Stannis Baratheon, History of Westeros’ pick for the series funniest character. Listening to this episode will not cause the loss of any fingertips, and we’ll swear to that, but we will not be responsible for any shadow-baby related mishaps. We chatter like magpies, and with less sense. You might say we are a couple of trained crows, and we croak at you in turns. Let us prate our words at you!
This was inspired by the Wit and Wisdom of Tyrion Lannister, which you can purchase here, while supporting HoW at the same time! There are forty-something quotes in this episode, so we hope you enjoy the wit and wisdom of Stannis Baratheon.
Robert could piss in a cup and men would call it wine, but I offer them pure cold water and they squint in suspicion and mutter to each other about how queer it tastes.” Stannis ground his teeth. “If someone said I had magicked myself into a boar to kill Robert, likely they would believe that as well.
Laws should be made of iron. Not pudding.
“A sacrifice will prove our faith still burns true, Sire,” Clayton Suggs had told the king. And Godry the Giantslayer said, “The old gods of the north have sent this storm upon us. Only R’hllor can end it. We must give him an unbeliever.” “Half my army is made up of unbelievers,” Stannis had replied. “I will have no burnings. Pray harder.”
“The letter… What did your lords make of it, I wonder?”
Stannis snorted. “Celtigar pronounced it admirable. If I showed him the contents of my privy, he would declare that admirable as well.”
“Her own father got this child on her? We are well rid of her, then. I will not suffer such abominations here. This is not King’s Landing.”
“Do your knucklebones bring you luck?”
“My life’s been good since you hacked them off, your Grace, and it’s four less fingernails to clean.”
“Four *fewer* fingernails to clean”